Anima Telorum
by Mrs Gordo
Summary: Buffy is dead after sacrificing herself in The Gift. Angel has been trying to move on with his life after her death. Slightly AU after Buffy's death. Everything in AtS Season 3 happened but Buffy was never resurrected by Willow in BTVS. Story begins during S3e22 Tomorrow. It goes AU from there.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have been working on this fic for months and it is kicking my butt. I thought I would post the first chapter to see what kind of feedback I get, if any. Maybe it would help motivate me to get this on track. It's certainly a WIP. I appreciate feedback as it will help me understand where this needs to go.

It didn't escape Angel's mind that he had made this very same drive a few years before for another woman. It was daylight then. He remembered still how the sun felt on his skin. He remembers seeing her, standing on the pier - remembers her beautiful golden hair as she looked out on the water. He remembers how she turned to meet him as he walked over towards her. Sensing him before he had even arrived. Their connection still humming with life even now that he was a human. He remembers the kiss. It was the first time in years he had kissed her with no restraint - no fear. He had taken her in his arms as if nothing in this world mattered but her. And at the time, it was true.

But that beautiful woman that had filled his heart and soul with sunshine was now dead. And, as he had reminded himself before so many times, he was not - well not in the strictest sense. He had to shove those memories down deep into that little box he kept in his heart. Shut them out. He was going to meet Cordy and he was going to tell her...he was going to tell her...well he hadn't figured that out yet. But he knew that it had something to do with the feelings he had for her and looking to the future instead of being stuck in the past. The wind blew through his hair as he made his way towards the bluffs in question. He scanned for a good radio station searching for something to set the mood. He parked the car, and left the car on to hear the music. He stepped out of the car and sat back on the hood. He closed his eyes and smelled the ocean. He tried to think of Cordy and her big beautiful smile. But when the next song played on the radio his mind had once again drifted.

Childhood living is easy to do  
The things you wanted I bought them for you  
Graceless lady you know who I am,  
You know I can't let you slide through my hands  
Wild Horses couldn't drag me away,  
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away

His mind was flooded with visions of Buffy standing before him in that beautiful pink dress. Her long golden hair flowed down her delicate shoulders. He remembered being struck by her beauty and to this day his biggest regret was not telling her how absolutely breathtaking she looked.

But, no he had to focus. He had worked so hard to keep these thoughts out of his mind and he had done so incredibly well. He ran over to turn off the radio just as Cordelia's car pulled up. He straightened up at her approach, as if readying himself for the task. Shaking away thoughts of his old love - he needed to press on. This was the stuff of life, he was alive - kind of, Cordy was very alive. He had to move forward. A brief thought occurred to him that this was taking an awful lot of convincing on his part but he paid no mind to that.

Cordelia walked up to Angel and grabbed his hand. She looked at him and smiled. "Angel. I've thought so much about you and us today. But…" she looked down for a moment before looking back into his eyes "I need to know how you feel about me. What am I to you?"

Angel stared into Cordelia's eyes and he paused. The words were stuck in his throat. He had planned to tell her how she was beautiful and how he wanted to explore his feelings for her. He knew that she probably wanted to hear that he loved her. But he wasn't ready to say that. Not yet. But he wanted to get there; he wanted to get to the point where the words 'I love you' were true. "Cordy…. " he knew he didn't need to breathe but for some strange reason he felt like his chest was tightening around him. This felt wrong. He stepped back. Was this a mistake?

Cordelia noticed his hesitation. She made a quick decision to pull him back towards her and into a passionate kiss.

They had kissed like this once before when he was possessed by the lovers at the Ballet. Cordelia's kisses were all consuming. She was punishing. Angel took in her unique scent. She always smelled like cinnamon and self-tanner. She pressed herself up against his body. He could feel the fullness of her breasts up against his chest. Angel concentrated on the sweet scent of cinnamon and on the heat that radiated from her body. He could not deny he was attracted to Cordelia. She was beautiful and fierce. But he was still trying to convince himself that this was what was right. That this was the stuff that could eventually be love. He was thinking all of these things when suddenly he heard a loud pop behind Cordelia.

A bright light cracked through the sky and a body fell through. Naked and soaking wet, the petite blonde who fell from the sky was shaking and coughing as she landed hard on the ground. She looked up directly into Angel's eyes and whispered hoarsely. "Angel?"

Angel stood frozen. He was trying to process this image before him. He realized suddenly that his arms were still wrapped around Cordelia from their kiss. He pushed Cordy away suddenly and, rather unintentionally, forcefully. He inched towards the woman before him. His mind reeling as he tried to process the image of the person in front of him; this small scared woman that is wearing the face and body the one love of his long life. She said his name right? Did she say his name? Was he losing his mind?

Buffy looked around, past the man before her and at the woman standing behind him. She had swollen lips and a shocked and almost annoyed gaze. Buffy was fighting to shake off the fear and confusion. The last thing she remembered was comfort and peace. And now everything felt harsh. She could see it was night time but somehow everything still felt indescribably bright and her eyes struggled to adjust. The sounds of the wind felt loud against her ears and grating against her skin.

Buffy's mind was a jumbled mess as panic began to rise. _"This isn't right. Nothing feels right. I'm not supposed to be here and where is here anyway? Who is that woman? Where am I?"_ Buffy thought to herself.

She opened her mouth to try and speak but she realized suddenly that she didn't know what to say. Her heart was racing and her adrenaline was pumping - she was terrified. She did the only thing she could think of at that very moment. She got up suddenly and began to run. She got a few yards away before an excruciating pain shot through her starting at the base of her spine and moving up sharply through to her head. It felt like her entire body, every single cell inside her was on fire. She dropped on the ground. She heard a howl of pain and looked over to see that the man that she somehow knew was called Angel had also dropped to the floor and was writhing in pain.

As Buffy started to run away, Angel felt a horrible pain rush through him like a wave and he fell to the ground. He looked over to see Buffy fall down a few yards away and he instinctively crawled towards her despite the pain that spread throughout his body. Strangely, he noticed the closer he crawled towards Buffy the more the pain subsided.

As Angel's pain diminished he noticed that she too seemed less in distress. He stood up, once the pain was bearable, and walked towards her. He took off his leather jacket and knelt down in front of Buffy, finally speaking for the first time.

"Buffy?"

He handed her the jacket and she hesitantly grabbed it turning around and putting it on quickly. She was very aware that she was completely naked and exposed in front of this man. Exposed. Lost. Cold. Alone. Scared. She was all of those things but she also oddly felt comforted by his presence and his jacket smelled of something comforting and familiar. She wraped the jacket tightly around her, turned around and looked up at Angel.

"Buffy? Is - is that my name? Do you know me? Where am I?" Buffy said as she looked around.

Cordelia moved closer examining the interactions between the ex-lovers carefully. She looked suspiciously at Buffy and huffs "Wait a minute, you don't know who you are? How did you know who Angel was?"

"I didn't, I mean I don't. His name just came to me but I...I don't know either of you." Buffy shivered. She began to feel the side effects of being cold, wet and basically naked outside in the elements.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, walked over and extended her hand to Buffy who hesitantly accepted. "Come on, let's get you inside and figure all of this out." But as Buffy placed her hand in Cordy's, the Seer began to float up and she dropped Buffy's hand.

Cordelia's eyes glazed over for a moment before coming back to the ground.

Angel looked over at Cordelia for the first time since their kiss. It seemed like a lifetime ago to him but he couldn't think of that now. He had more pressing matters to attend to and _that_ he would deal with later. "What is it? What did you see? Did you see anything about Buffy?"

Cordelia shut her eyes and swlowed hard against the vision. She thought about it and decided she would not tell him what she saw. _'This was not right. They were wrong.'_ She thought to herself. She shook her head. "False alarm. I didn't see anything maybe their wires got crossed. If it's important I'm sure they'll send another message later." She shrugged and looked back over at Buffy who was looking at Cordelia like she was crazy. Cordy reached out to Buffy again and pulled her up. "Let's go."

She gave Angel a sideways glance and motioned towards the car. Cordelia helped Buffy to the back seat and sat herself in the passenger seat. Angel slid into the driver's seat and glanced back over at Buffy who was sitting with her arms tightly wound around herself. He turned back in utter disbelief. He started the car to make their way back to the Hyperion.


	2. Chapter 2

Buffy sat in the car and looked between the woman and the man in the front seat. She had no clue what was going on but she still had her basic womanly instincts. She could tell that her unexpected arrival had interrupted something intimate between the two. After all, she may be naked and wet and currently dealing with a slight case of amnesia but she did in fact fall from the sky in a rather romantic spot, on the bluffs overlooking the ocean. Not a bad place for smoochies. Something in her stomach twisted at this idea of Angel and the woman together romantically. She didn't know or remember anything about herself or these people who apparently knew her but when she looked at the man she felt something inside of her stir. It was this same feeling that caused her to say his name. Angel. It felt familiar in the way that you experience a fleeting moment of deja vu. The memory of a feeling. 'What was that feeling?' Buffy thought. It was there one moment and gone the next.

In any case, she had bigger things to worry about. What in the world was going on? Why didn't she remember anything and why was she so trusting of these people not to do her harm? She considered, briefly, running away again but she didn't know where to run. She had no choice but to let them take her wherever they were going. She would figure this out as she went. Besides, she felt that she could trust this Angel guy. Although she wasn't sure why.

They had arrived in front of a rather large building. 'Was it a hotel?' After Angel got out of the car he reached out a hand to help her out of the vehicle. She looked at him and paused but after a moment accepted his assistance. She placed her hand in his hand and as soon as they made contact a strange feeling washed over her. The slight pain in her stomach and the tinge of nausea she felt suddenly disappeared. It was an unexpected moment of peace and it surprised her. Her eyes shot open and she looked directly into Angel's. He appeared similarly confused. Did he feel it too? She let go of his hand abruptly. The feeling of anxiety at the pit of her stomach returned to her. She pulled the jacket tight around her body and walked carefully towards the door. Angel walked closely behind her without touching her. Cordelia had walked ahead of the two.

Buffy stepped inside the hotel and took in the rather large and retro lobby. Cordelia turned to Buffy, "Well first things first we need to get you some clothes and maybe a shower. Fred?" Cordelia shouted. Fred came bouncing down the stairs with a smile.

"Oh! Ya'll are back already? I didn't even hear ya'll. How'd it go? Was it incredibly romantic like in that Meg Ryan chick flick with the Empire State Buildin'….did he … oh" Fred stopped short as she turned the corner and saw the petite woman sitting on the red sofa in the lobby wearing nothing but Angel's coat. She was flanked by Cordy and Angel.

"Fred, this is Buffy... " Angel spoke carefully. "She...uhh… dropped in at the bluffs. Can you lend us some clothes and toiletries so we can get her settled in?"

"Buffy?..." At first Fred's face was questioning… "oh...oh my - Buffy!" Fred's face seemed to light up in recognition of the name. She looked at Angel startled and he nodded. She approached Buffy to shake her hand. "Hi Buffy, I'm Winifred Burkle, but you can call me Fred, it's certainly very nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you, the gang have told me so many stories, Buffy this and Buffy that...except for Angel he didn't talk about you and we weren't allowed to bring up your name - 'Don't say the B word' they would remind me, and I wouldn't but I do feel like I know you… even though obviously I don't...I guess you know that though don't you?" Fred giggled.

"Actually, Fred is it? I don't. I don't know much about anything right now. But I'll tell you it is nice to know that I'm not supposed to know you. Relieves some of the pressure."

Angel came around to Fred, "Fred, we can explain later but about those clothes…"

Fred smiled "oh yeah, silly, me, I ramble...my grandma used to always say 'Winifred...' oh dear there I go again... I'll go grab you something comfy to wear." She glanced at Cordelia who was staring intently at Buffy. She looked over to Angel. "Do you want me to show her to a room?"

"No, I'll show her up."

Cordelia bit her lip. She turned and walked towards her desk. Fred, turned and ran up the stairs.

Angel looked towards Cordelia. He had so much to say to her but everyone had happened so suddenly and he was incredibly overwhelmed. He had to take one thing at a time. 'First get Buffy settled. Then talk to Cordy .' He mentally planned. He paced a bit waiting for Fred but never leaving Buffy's side. Part of him was afraid if he left she would disappear. She looked him cautiously. She wore a confused look on her face. He realized she was probably looking at him strangely because he was staring at her like she wasn't real. 'What was taking Fred so long?' Angel started up the stairs to see if he could get Fred to hurry up. He only got about halfway up the stairs before he dropped to his knees and once again felt that same excruciating pain he felt earlier at the bluffs. The fire like sensation started up at the base of his spine and up towards his head. His body felt as if it would turn to ash from the inside out. He turned to Buffy who was also in pain, again. He once again fought his way back towards Buffy and, just as last time, the pain diminished as he approached her. Buffy and Angel looked at each other dumbfounded.

Cordy shot up from her desk and looked at the two. Fred, who had heard the commotion, ran down the stairs.

"Are ya'll ok?" says Fred with panic in her voice "What was that?"

Angel maintained his eyes on Buffy. "I don't know. But I have a working theory. Buffy stay there." Angel slowly backed away. At first nothing happened. Then when he got up a few steps he felt a slow simmer of pain at the base of his spine and he felt Buffy tense up. He went up a few more stairs and the pain spread up his spine… he stopped when he saw Buffy grabbing her head in her hands. He ran back to her. "I'm sorry, I had to see if I was right." He looked over at Fred. "It's the distance between us, the farther we are apart physically, the greater the pain."

Fred nodded. "Here's some stuff for Buffy. I'll call Charles, he was just grabbing some dinner. You go get her set up upstairs we'll meet come and find you. We can research."

Angel nodded and looked back to Buffy. She was not looking well. Her coloring was off. The painful spells had taken a great deal out of her. Given that she was recently resurrected Angel guessed she was not in top shape. She looked shaky and weak. Without much thought Angel picked her up and cradled her in his arms as he ascended the stairs. He turned to Fred. "See if Gunn can bring food for Buffy. Can you make her some tea?"

"Sure." Fred called after them.

Angel proceeded up the stairs. Having Buffy in his arms was surreal. Not only for the obvious reasons that it was always a wonderful feeling to be near Buffy, not only because Buffy was alive and in his arms, a thought he still had not fully grasped as the events of the evening had been a whirlwind, but because the contact between them felt all together almost magically soothing. It was a comforting balm after the pain spell a few minutes ago.

Buffy knew that it was strange to allow herself to be held in this stranger's arms but she felt an odd sense of peace with Angel. She laid her head on his shoulders and let her eyes close. Her anxiety dissipated. If only for that moment, she felt like everything would be OK.

He carried her into his suite. He didn't know where to take her and he didn't know if they could even be in separate rooms with this magical tether that had been placed between the two of them. He placed her carefully on the couch in the sitting area and looked at her. He smiled a small, a crooked little smile and he squatted down in front of her so they were eye level.

"Well I guess I should introduce myself, I'm apparently Buffy. And you are… Angel? Is that right?"

Angel gave a small laugh and said "I am Angel. And I know who you are. I have known you for a while now."

"How long?"

"I met you almost 6 years ago." He smiled at the memory.

Is there a problem, ma'am?  
Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me?  
I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I don't bite.

"I see." Buffy looked at Angel who seemed lost in his thoughts. "I don't remember anything at all." Buffy frowned. "It's very frustrating."

Angel looked into the Buffy's blue-green eyes. And for the first time that night he began to grasp the events of the evening. She was alive. Buffy was alive and in front of him in the flesh. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, let her scent wash over him, bury his face in her hair and never let her go. His heart felt it would burst at the seams. This was impossible. It was a dream. He tried to ground himself for fear of losing his soul. The moment, this fraction of a second that he looked into her eyes and realized she was returned to him, was one of true unabated happiness. He fought the urge to take her in his arms. While he might have been feeling all of these emotions she didn't know who he was and he didn't want to scare her away.

"Buffy." He slowly grabbed her hands and let this strange vibration of their new connection wash over him. "We are going to do everything we can to figure out what is going on. Why you're here. What the deal is with this magical tether between us. I promise you we will figure it out OK?"

She nodded in understanding. "Thanks. Right now, I could really use a shower and some clothes."

"Oh. Of course," he hadn't realized she was still sitting there practically naked in only his leather jacket. He was pretty sure he'd had about a hundred fantasies that started out just like this with Buffy wearing nothing but his leather jacket. He shook away impossibly sinful thoughts. And silently berated himself for them. "Umm…" He stood up. "The bathroom is right here and here are the things that Fred grabbed for you. When you are done I'll get my team together so we can discuss what to do next."

She nodded appreciatively. "Thanks for helping me, Angel." She smiled and made her way to the restroom. Angel moved over to the bed which was closer to the bathroom. Until they figured out this tether, he didn't want to cause her or himself any unnecessary pain. He sat the the edge of the bed.

He finally had a moment to reflect on the events of that night. Buffy was alive. Angel's head was swimming with a thousand feelings that he had pushed down and away from his mind for so long.

This was Buffy, of that he was sure. He felt that same tingle in his spine that he had always felt when she was near. She smelled the same. The smell of vanilla and sunshine. He could smell it, now, seeping through his bathroom door as he sat on his bed. Again, he fought thoughts of busting through the bathroom door and taking Buffy in his arms, peppering her beautiful naked body with kisses…not the time he reminded himself. Even in her resurrected state she still had the same essence. It was her. But why? What was she doing here? And why did she arrive as…'Oh God. Cordelia. ' He got up to go and find her but remembered he couldn't go to because he was magically tethered to Buffy. He sat back down and sighed. He wasn't sure what he planned to tell Cordelia anyway.

He had been a fool. Cordelia was one of his best friends. He had never had a friend that was as loyal. And he had gone to the bluffs prepared to what? Tell her that he loved her? Sure, he loved Cordelia dearly as a friend. When Buffy had died Cordelia was the one who reminded him that he had to continue with his life. That Buffy would have wanted him to continue to fight. He had been so focused on living and suppressing his grief. Lorne and Fred had convinced him that moving on meant moving on to Cordelia. It was the logical step. She was one of his best friends. She was beautiful. Sure, she annoyed the crap out of him sometimes with her nagging but she always had his back. She was wonderful with baby Connor. Angel had always dreamed of having a family with Buffy. Children, dogs and a home with a white picket fence. Things he knew in his dead heart he could never have. When Buffy died and Connor was born he wanted desperately to keep that illusion alive, the little family he had wanted so much. And Angel told himself he could still have it with Cordy. He sold himself on the idea that not everything had to be perfect happiness. After all, this is what people do, they find contentment. They move on after losses. They fall in love again. And so he had tried. So hard. And in doing so, had he ruined one of the most important friendships he had in his long un-life? He silently hoped not. He hoped that he could talk to Cordelia and he could make her understand. She had to know that she was precious to him. Like Fred. Like Gunn. Like Lorne. His family.

One thing he knew to be true though, the moment he saw Buffy, the very instant she fell back into his life, Angel was reminded of the love he felt for his beautiful Slayer. This was a love that reached beyond his heart and filled his entire soul. He had once told Buffy that death would never change how he loved her and it had been true. Try as he might to suppress it, the love he felt for her was still present. How could have been such a fool to believe he could ever stop loving her?

Fred knocked on the door and he was startled out of his brooding. She peeked in and then proceeded in with some tea. "Charles is on his way with some sandwiches. Not sure what a slayer eats but I assume it's human food right?

Angel chuckled. "Fred, Buffy is human just like you. Only she has a great deal of strength and fast healing abilities. But let's keep all of the Human/Slayer/Vampire stuff down for now until we can fill her in slowly."

At that moment, Buffy emerged from the restroom. She was wearing a white tank top and some black sweatpants that were rolled up. "I really hope I was more fashionable than this in my life. But this will have to do I suppose. Thanks for the clothes Fred."

Angel smirked. She looked like a thing of beauty to him. "Fred brought you some tea and food is on the way. Are you tired?"

"I am hungry but I'm not really tired. Oddly, I feel like I just woke up from a really long nap"

"I'll say" Fred interjected. Angel shot her disapproving a look hoping she wouldn't reveal too much.

"Well" Buffy said as she walked over to sit on the couch, "can you all tell me the basics. What are my stats. Last name. Age. Where am I from?"

Angel poured her tea and put extra sugar in it just the way she liked it. "Your name is Buffy Summers." He handed her the cup of tea.

Buffy took a sip and appreciated the warmth and the sweetness of the tea. "Buffy? Is that short for something, oh - like Elizabeth?"

"No, just Buffy. It suits you, trust me." Angel smirked. "You turn 22 this coming January. You are originally from here in Los Angeles but you moved to a smaller town a few hours away called Sunnydale when you were 16"

"And that is where we met?"

"Yes." He left out the part about seeing her when she was 15, it had been a bit lurky of him so he would let her remember that one her own.

"And my parents? Siblings? Am I married? Do I have a boyfriend?"

"You don't have a boyfriend." He bit out little too quickly. He paused and looked down. He didn't want to go into her mother's death or her father's voluntary absence. "I'm not sure all what I should tell you. I'm not sure if we should find a way to cure your memory first."

"Can you at least tell me where I belong? Do I have a family?"

"Yes. Yes of course you do have a place you belong." 'With me ', Angel thought to himself but continued. "And w - you are loved you very much. If you want me to call your family I will. I just - just wanted to try and get a handle for what was going on before involving too many people - in case..." He couldn't bring himself to say that he feared it was temporary. "What would you like me to do?"

Buffy thought for a second. And then asked, "Where was I before I feel from the sky?"

Angel stood up and ran his fingers through his hair. She had to know the truth. "Buffy," he kneeled in front of her. He took her hands in his. "You had died." Tears filled his eyes at the memory but he tried to maintain his composure. "You had been gone for nearly a year before you came back tonight."

"I was ...dead? Dead. Dead ." She mulled over the word like it tasted funny. She allowed the soothing touch of Angel's hand to emotionally cradle her. She had been dead and now she was not. She looked down stifling a sob. Angel quickly sat next to her and lifted her chin to look at his eyes.

"And now your back. But I - I'm not sure why. We'll figure this out Buffy, I promise." Buffy nodded slightly. Taking in the weight of the news of her recent demise. It was a strange thing to hear, that you had been dead. When you couldn't really remember ever being alive. Buffy took a deep breath to try and center herself. She really hoped they could find some answers soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Fred had gone downstairs to retrieve some books that Angel asked her to grab from his library. While she was down there she had taken it upon herself to call Wesley. She knew Angel would be upset but Wesley was the only one who could help them with Buffy's problem. He would know what to do.

Fred returned with a stack of books and with Gunn in tow who had brought Buffy some food.

Fred took a deep breath and started. "Angel, I know you won't like this but I made a call. We need help figurin' this out. We need to help Buffy." She paused. "So I called Wesley."

Angel's jaw stiffened at the mention of the former watcher. He knew Fred was right, but it didn't mean he liked it any better. "Fine."

"He said he's gonna to grab some resources and head over."

Angel nodded while struggling to contain the anger he felt at the idea of seeing his former friend, who had betrayed him. He grabbed a book and started reading.

Buffy sat on the couch eating a sandwich and stared on at the strangers before her who were apparently trying to solve the mystery that was her current condition. She shifted her focus and looked intently at Angel. Who was he to her in her old life? Obviously, who ever he was it wasn't her boyfriend. He was with that Cordelia chick. ' What a strange name Cordelia ' She thought. Although not all that much less strange than Buffy, not short for Elizabeth . She quickly decided she so didn't like this Cordelia, for no logical reason at all. For one, her boobs were much nicer and perkier. Buffy stared down at her boobs propping them up slightly by pressing her arms together. Her's weren't bad, perky to be sure but not nearly as big and well-rounded. 'Maybe if she had the name of her plastic surgeon…'

"Buffy?"

Buffy startled at the voice and looked up. 'Oh great ' she thought. Angel had caught her looking at her boobs. She blushed profusely and bit her lip. "Umm... " She cleared her throat. "Yeah…"

Angel was slightly distracted himself by Buffy's actions but gathered himself quickly. "What is the last thing you can remember before you fell at the bluffs? Can you remember anything at all?"

"Nothing from my life. I remember general things. I know that we are in the State of California and that the president is, or was last I remember, George W. Bush. Everything about me is just a haze. The only thing I remember from before I saw your face...I mean - before I saw you...and your - umm girlfriend … was just being warm and at peace but I couldn't tell you where I was."

Angel winced. ' His girlfriend? ' He thought. Buffy had seen Cordelia and him in an intimate embrace. And had obviously drawn some serious conclusions. "She… I - I don't have a girlfriend."

Buffy stared at Angel slightly annoyed. She didn't understand why she was jealous when she didn't even know this man.

The room was quiet. Fred observed the tension between Buffy and Angel. She knew she had played a huge part in bringing Angel and Cordy together. He had been so torn up after Buffy had died. Cordy always made him smile. She wanted her friend to be happy so she had encouraged a relationship between the two. She realized now that she really hadn't known Angel for all that long and maybe she was making some bold assumptions. Much of what she was picking up between Cordy and Angel was really her own projection of feelings she previously had for Angel. Now that she saw the way that Angel looked at Buffy, the light in his eyes, she realized that this is what her friend looked like when he was in love. She frowned to herself and continued her research. The least she could do now was help them solve this puzzle.

Cordy leaned against the reception desk. She felt agitated. She had left Groo for Angel and now she wasn't sure why she had done that. Groo was madly in love with her and she was sure of that love. She had not been sure of Angel's feelings for her but she knew she had feelings for Angel. And now… And God Buffy . Always coming in here ruining everything. No. Buffy was not what Angel needed. She was what Angel needed. She was what was best for him. ' Right?' She silently thought to herself.

She began to pace the office. A feeling of restlessness fell over her. She needed to work off some steam. It was late at night so she couldn't go shopping. Angel always worked off steam by hitting a punching bag, maybe she could try that. She went in to her desk and found her training clothes and her mp3 player and headed down for the training room.

Wesley had just finished his call with Fred. She had told him that Angel and Buffy needed him. Buffy was back from the dead. It was remarkable. He was preparing to head over to the Hyperion. He admittedly felt anxious over how he would be received.

He looked over at Lilah's naked body sleeping on the bed. A quite foolish mistake he had made, over and over. He quietly gathered his books and the prophetic scrolls including the Shanshu prophecy. Trying not to wake her.

"It's not nice to eat and run like that." Wesley heard Lilah's sultry voice.

Wesley smirked. "I think we are well passed manners."

"I guess your little fang misfits finally clued you into the Slayer's arrival."

Wesley's eyes narrowed. "What do you know about her arrival."

Lilah stretched and then sat up holding the sheets over her breasts. As if modesty was of any use to them after all they had done with each other - to each other. "I have my own personal seer. She foresaw this."

Wesley dropped his books and sat next to Lilah on the bed. He ran a finger along her cheek softly and then proceeded to grab her by the neck in a tight hold. "Tell me what you know."

Lilah scoffed as best she could. She pushed Wesley away and he allowed her to. She cracked her neck. "It's not really a secret. I don't know what how this information will be useful to either you or me. I am not sure why she's back. But apparently, the Powers have decided to bring her back and tether her soul to Angel's soul. I am not sure why, not that I'd tell you if I knew mind you." She smirked. "But my shaman says their souls are bound to each other with very old magics. Looks like the Powers finally found a way to anchor Angel's soul to something."

"You mean Angel can't lose his soul?"

"Not while his soul is bound to the Slayer's. I guess the guy can finally find get a happy huh?" Lilah said as she looked down at her manicure.

Wesley looked at Lilah with distrust. "Why am I to believe you?"

"I really don't care if you do or don't. The real question is, why did the Powers bring the little blonde back and what does this soul binding have to do with it? The rest, I'm not so interested in."

Wesley had learned to read Lilah and could tell she was not being manipulative in divulging this information. She truly found it inconsequential. Nevertheless, he couldn't figure out why she would share this information with her enemy. He shook his head to himself.

"Well then." He stood up and bent down to give Lilah a soft peck on the lips. "Until next time."

Wesley gathered his books and scrolls. One quick stop. He knew of a certain friendly green demon who might have the connections necessary to help them out.

Lorne and Wesley walked into the hotel. Wesley headed up to Angel's room to find him. Lorne looked around downstairs. He had his sights on finding someone else. He had felt simply awful when Wesley had filled him in on the situation. He knew that Angel had been on his way to tell Cordy that they should give their relationship a try. He also knew that Angel's decision to go and try a make a go of it with Cordy had been partly as a result of his encouragement. In fact, he admitted that he had pushed Angel pretty hard towards reaching this conclusion.

Can't fight Kyrumption, cinnamon buns. It's fate. It's the stars.

Truth is after Buffy's death Lorne had read Angel's aura. He had seen Angel's fractured soul. He felt that Cordy would have brought Angel some semblance of happiness, not perfect happiness but happiness nevertheless. What the two didn't know couldn't hurt them. Angel's soulmate was gone; what harm could it do to have two friends find comfort and find love with each other? Well lots of damage when the soulmate in question was miraculously resurrected. Lorne felt guilty at the damage his meddling had caused. He set off to find Cordelia to help with the damage control.

When he couldn't find her in the lobby he thought he heard a noise coming from the basement. 'Was that? Is that... singing?' He thought to himself. He opened the basement door only to be hit by the that off key dazzlings of Queen C herself.

" _Why does everything feel so complicated...yeah...yeah_ " Cordy wailed as she punched the bag.

Lorne winced at the sound but as he listened he suddenly realized that behind the horrible singing there was something else. He ran down stairs to Cordy and pulled off her headphones.

"What exactly is it you think you are doing Princess?" Lorne berated Cordy.

A startled Cordy almost punched Lorne in the face but caught herself just in time. She had been training for months with Angel and she felt confident she could land a decent punch. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm working out."

Lorne pursed his lips and crossed his arms. "Not that Avril . I'm talking about this decision not to pass on this whopping vision that the Powers sent you. I can see the vision Cordy. What makes you think that you can keep this information from Angel and the Slayer? You are a conduit for the Powers That Be, you have a responsibility to these Warriors, to tell them what you saw."

Cordy rolled her eyes and started pacing. "No. I won't. They " she pointed up accusingly "...are wrong, Lorne. They don't understand all that Angel has suffered. All that he has been through. They don't understand the pain that Buffy causes him. He doesn't deserve that pain. I can make him happy." Tears began to fill her eyes. "She cannot give him the happiness that he deserves. All she brings him is pain."

Lorne's heart broke for the seer. Lorne knew that there was sincerity in Cordelia's words. Over the past year, Lorne had seen Cordelia change a great deal. Some of those changes seemed rather odd to him. For example, she was no longer brash or brutally honest. She went around mothering the entire group and was especially dotting of Angel. Also, she had cut off her hair and dyed it blonde. Lorne couldn't help but think she was trying to be a different person for Angel. Not for some selfish reason but because she knew that Angel had a large gaping hole in his heart for Buffy and she wanted so desperately to find a way to make it better. Slowly she allowed herself to be convinced that she could be the key to making Angel happy. Now that Buffy was back, Cordelia was facing a difficult and uncomfortable truth.

He grabbed her by the arms and sat her down on the stairs next to him. "My little Pumpkin Spice, you know that is not true. You are the one with the vision. I'm just the one watching the show. Your visions came jam packed with front row seats to experiencing their entire love story and you know that Angel's one true happiness is that Slayer. Now, I know you care about Angel but your personal feelings about him and about Buffy are clouding your judgment."

Lorne moved back to examine Cordelia's response and continued, "This is your last vision. You saw that as well didn't you?"

Cordelia nodded with a deep sigh. "Yes, I am free from the visions. This is the final battle and this was the final message."

"Then I think you and Angelcakes need to have a talk Princess. And I think it needs to be now."

Cordelia sighed. She ran her fingers through her short hair and shook her head. She turned to Lorne with a sad smile. "What was I thinking? I was never going to be the one was I?"

Lorne placed his hand on Cordy's face but didn't speak. His silence was all she needed to confirm what she already knew in her heart. What she had seen and felt in her vision. She had a job to do. Cordelia gave herself a mental pep talk.

Get it together. You are Cordelia freaking Chase. You were May Queen. You play second fiddle to no one especially not Buffy with her Supercuts hair.

Cordelia wiped the tears and steeled herself. "I'm going to go..." Cordelia got up and headed up stairs.

Lorne knew exactly what Cordelia meant.


	4. Chapter 4

Wesley arrived at Angel's suite. The tension as he entered was palpable. Gunn gave him a cautious look and Angel's jaw tensed.

"Angel. I was told I could be of some assistance."

Fred quickly interjected. "Well we've been doing all sorts of research on the issues. The first thing we gotta do is we gotta find out why Buffy came back and what brought her back and of course the second is why Angel and Buffy can't be more than a few yards from each other without keelin' over in excruciating pain. I think I found something in this book," She picked up the book and handed it to Wesley. "It says something about soul tethering. It's interesting but seeing as you are more magically inclined and I'm more about formulas and calculations I think you will probably have a better understanding than I do."

"Yes, I see." Wesley turned his attention to Buffy and smiled. "Buffy, I'm Wesley. I was your watcher for a period of time."

Buffy gave a confused look. "Watcher? That sounds kinda creepy. What's a Watcher?"

Angel looked at Wesley annoyed.

Wesley realized how little had been explained to Buffy but now that the cat was out of the bag. "Well...umm… you, you see, you were… or rather you are, a Slayer. Into every generation, there is a chosen one. One girl in all the world, _typically anyway_. She alone will wield the strength and skill to stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness; To stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers. You are the Slayer"

Buffy stood up. Walked over to Wesley. She grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him up against the wall. She stilled for a second, surprised at her own strength but continued her assault. "What the hell are you talking about you English weirdo. Slayer? Vampire? _Demons_?" She asked him incredulously.

"Ok - ok take it easy" Angel walked over to help Wesley out of the Slayer's grasp. Although he couldn't help but slightly enjoy the sight of the fear that emanated from Wesley. "Can you all continue the research party downstairs. Let's give Buffy some space."

The team filed out of the room. Wesley began to exit with his books and scrolls in tow. Wesley turned back towards Buffy before heading out the door. "Buffy, if it's any consolation. I am very glad to have you back. I failed you as your watcher before but I want you to know that I will work tirelessly to help you now." He turned to walk out the door and shut the door behind him.

Buffy ran a hand through her hair and tightened her arms defensively around her body. All of the things that Wesley were ridiculous but they didn't feel foreign. She turned away from Angel afraid of showing him her fear and confusion. What was she? "Am I ...am I not a human?" Buffy's voice was small and unsure.

"No. Buffy. You absolutely _are_ human. You are flesh and blood. You are mortal. But you have some superhuman attributes."

She turned to look at Angel a small smirk. It reminded him of the 16 year old he met in the dark alley. This Buffy was without the burdens that she had carried so long as a result of her calling. "So like Wonder Woman?"

"Something like that. But you tend to wear more sensible outfits." He smiled a half crooked smile. She swore she had seen that smile before. It felt familiar. Buffy moved closer. She was close enough that he could smell her scent and could reach out and touch her. He felt dizzy at the thought of holding her. He needed to step out of the room and gather himself. He stepped back. "Buffy, why don't you go lay down. I'll be right outside the room. I'm just going to give you some time to relax. I won't go far. I'll make sure to keep a close distance so we aren't you know...zapped."

She nodded and walked over to the bed and laid down. He waited for a moment until she closed her eyes. Then he walked out of the door. He wasn't sure how much farther he could go without causing them any pain so he just plopped down on the floor outside his room. He closed his eyes.

A few minutes later, Cordelia came up and sat next to Angel. He smelled her before he saw her. It was a familiar scent and he had grown used to over the years. She smiled a sad smile at him then turned to look straight ahead. One of them had to say something.

Someone had to break the silence. Angel was never one with words so Cordelia knew it would be her.

"Angel listen. About tonight…."

"No wait I owe you an explanation"

"No you don't actually. I mean you probably should be explaining and apologizing and preferably groveling by buying me expensive jewelry - Kendra Scott maybe. But the problem is I have all of the information" She tapped her temples. "Up here." She sighed. "I lied to you before, I did have a vision. It was a whopper. I could write a soap opera about it. It would be called the Tortured Times of Buffy and Angel. I would clearly play the hot sexy villain. Like a Susan Lucci but younger and with a better tan. Anyway the point is, the Powers showed me all about you and Buffy and your love." She turned to face him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I didn't want to believe it at first. After all, the only thing I ever saw was Buffy making your suffer. I saw you brooding, shut down and depressed and I thought it was because of her. But I understand things now. I see them more clearlly. I felt the love that you have for her. It's so bright - it was blinding. You would never have loved anyone else like that even though I know you would have tried. That kind of love, it's once in a lifetime if you're lucky."

Angel's turned his face and looked down at his hands. He was unable to meet Cordy's face. What could he say to her?

Cordelia grabbed Angel's hand and continued. "And then I saw the love she had for you. The strength of it, it is overpowering. It burns you up inside." She forced him to meet her eyes. "You are soulmates, Angel. The Powers showed me. Apparently that is relevant in what is to come and why she is here."

"Cordy." Angel looked up at her, the pain evident in his eyes. "I never meant for any of this to happen. You are my best friend. You made me smile when I thought I would never smile again. I do love you. You have to know that. I just got that love so twisted, so confused. But you are in my heart, you are my family."

Cordy poked Angel playfully. "You better believe you got it confused mister." She scoffed jokingly. "But then again you had some help in that department. Lorne, Fred, horny Ballet ghost possessing us. I get it," she sighed and eased back up against the wall, "it got ...confusing."

Cordelia continued, "Angel. You and Buffy have been brought together for a reason. The Powers showed me that this is the final battle. It is the last stand for good and evil and it will either end in the elimination of evil on a grand scale or … evil will be allowed to reign on earth for a long time. Only you and Buffy can stop the end of days." She turned and faced Angel. "This is for all the marbles, you get it?"

Angel straightened up, understanding the seriousness of what she was saying. "What did you see?"

"They showed me that you and Buffy working together was key. 'Together you were powerful. Alone, you are dead.' I heard some big green demon thingy saying that."

"Big and green? Did it have a jewel on its head?"

"Yes as a matter of fact it did. Do you know what they are?"

"Mohra demons. The kind that turned me human that one day. They had said years ago when we defeated it, on the day that never happened, that the end of days has begun. I had started to think he was just huffing and puffing. But apparently it just took them a few years to get ready for the fight." Angel recalled how difficult the Mohra had been to kill the first time around and shuddered the idea of having to face this demon again.

"The shanshu prophecy holds some of the answers that you will need to win this battle. This is it Angel. They released me from my fealty, whatever that is supposed to mean. But no more visions around the corner. My part in all of this is done." Cordelia stood up and Angel followed.

"What do you mean your part is done? I still need you Cordy. You are the heart of this team."

Cordy smiled and she put her hands on Angel's shoulders. "I'll be back for the battle when the time comes. But for now. I need a breather. Some distance. But don't worry, I'll be back."

"Cordy, I…."

"I know Angel. But it's ok, it really is. Please don't add this to your long list of things to feel guilty about. If you want my forgiveness you have it although I don't know that you need it. And let's be honest, I would never have settled for second best. I would have realized it sooner or later. Better now. You are my dearest friend and that is something that we can both treasure. Ok?"

Angel kissed her forehead and pulled her in for a hug. He didn't deserve the forgiveness but he accepted it anyway.

"This is your home whenever you are ready to come back" Angel released his friend.

She smiled and turned away. He watched Cordy walk away and hoped that he would see her again. He hoped that he and Buffy would be able to save the world for their their loved ones. He sighed and walked back into his room. A weight lifted from his shoulders.

Angel opened the door and found Buffy was sitting on the bed. Eyes wide open.

Buffy stood and paced the room. "I feel a bit panicked. The things that the Wesley guy said and I just feel frustrated at not remembering anything. I feel so tired but I can't sleep. I feel like my skin feels too tight over my bones and there is a tightness in my chest I can't shake."

"Can I…. do you want me to lay down with you. Have you noticed when we touch… have you noticed…." It was a difficult feeling to explain. The serenity that came from their touch.

"Yes. I have noticed." She hesitated but after a moment she said, "Ok - it's worth a shot." Angel sat on the bed so that his back was leaning on the headboard and she looked hesitantly at him. She sat next to him and allowed her head to lay on his chest.

Buffy could feel the stillness of his chest. No heartbeat. "You aren't human are you?"

"No."

"Were you human when we met?"

"No." He paused a moment. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No. Is that strange?" Buffy said.

"Strange is pretty common around here." He answered.

Minutes passed as the two relaxed into the feel of their touch. She snuggled into his chest slightly.

"Angel?" Buffy asked. "Were we in love?"

"Yes." Angel answered, without hesitation.

Buffy was starting to fall asleep. But before she let the sleep envelope her, she whispered "I don't remember you but I still feel it. The love. It's still there."

"It's always there." Angel whispered back. Buffy had likely fallen asleep by then. H reached over to turn off the light and he tightened his grip on Buffy. He listened to Buffy's heart beat and let the comforting wave of her touch lull him into a deep sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

_It's dark. Fire is raining down on Buffy all around her. She feels Angel's presence but she can't see him. She hears battle cries approaching but can't see anything beyond the thick smoke. It chokes her. Something is coming. She can't see it but she feels it. It's evil, in its purest form._

 _She hears voices whispering all around her. "The bound souls are the weapon. You must learn to wield it. Together you were powerful. Alone, you are_ _ **dead**_ _." The voice ends with loud piercing shriek._

Buffy awoke with a startle. Her sudden movements woke Angel. "Buffy! Are you ok? What is it?"

Buffy shot up from the bed. "I don't know. A nightmare I guess? A scary one. It - It felt evil and it felt close. Too close. Angel, I don't understand any of this but I feel like - something is coming."

Angel stood up and pulled Buffy into his arms. She was shaking. Whatever she saw had frightened her to her very core. "Shhh. Whatever it is Buffy. We will fight it. That is what we do. I won't let anything happen to you. I'm not losing you again."

Buffy pulled away from Angel's hug. She felt wiggy from the nightmare and she was uncomfortable with the intimacy of his hug and his words. She headed into the bathroom. She needed a hot shower and she needed to figure out who the hell she was and what the hell that dream was about.

After her shower, Buffy found that Fred has left her some more clothes in the bathroom. She was grateful to slide into some jeans and a rather cute peasant top. She looked presentable enough and walked out of the bathroom only to find Angel - shirtless - in front of his closet. He was zipping up his black pants.

Buffy swallowed hard. "Ummm...oh...I'm…" Buffy fumbled over her words and considered her options. She could either run back into the bathroom or stay there until she could get her pulse rate under control. Instead, she found herself staring at Angel's amazingly broad chest, his taut muscles, and his perfect abs. He was beautiful. "...Sorry." She finally found the word that had been stuck in her throat and forced herself to look up to his eyes and way from his half naked body.

Angel smirked and a small part of him found it comforting that even amnesia Buffy seemed affected by him. He was certainly always affected by her. "It's alright, you have seen me much more naked that this."

Buffy blushed profusely and looked away. "Yeah well...I'll just take your word for it."

Angel grabbed one of his many black shirts slipped it on and buttoned it up. "Let's head downstairs and see if the team has made any progress." He opened the bedroom door and let Buffy go first but followed closely behind so as not to activate any painful spells. He couldn't help but take a moment to appreciate how Fred's jeans hung low and hugged Buffy's hips. They were just a little too tight on her. He thanked the Powers for tiny favors.

The team had been assembled downstairs. Fred and Gunn looked showered and fresh while Wes looked as if he had been up all night.

Wes stood up as Angel approached. The tension was still ever present between the two but Wesley had a job to do. "Ahh Angel. Lorne has found someone who has a memory spell. He is on his way to fetch it now and we are hopeful that it will provide some help in getting Buffy her memories back. In the meantime, may I have a word with you - err - in private?"

Buffy had managed to find a warm cup of coffee and leaned against the reception desk. "Kinda hard to have any privacy with Angel these days. You know with the mind splitting pain that shoots up our spine and all that."

"Yes well, you have some leeway on that tether, I think Angel can step into his office for a moment. It's a matter of some sensitivity, you understand."

"Whatever. You go have boys time. As long as I'm zap free. I'll just sit here and read this Vogue. See," she held up the magazine, "it's the fall edition. So much to catch up on." Buffy leaned back to the reception desk and flipped through the magazine.

Angel slowly made his way to the office at the other side of the desk with Wesley and closed the door behind him. "So what is it?"

"A source has given me some inside information as to what this tethering is. My source tells me that the Powers have bound your soul to Buffy's soul. That is why if you are too far apart you begin to experience pain. The reason I wanted to talk to you in private is, according to this same source -"

Angel rolled his eyes. "Cut the crap Wesley, I know the source is Lilah and I know you two are sleeping together. I can smell her all over you."

Wesley cleared his throat but but remained stoic. "- very well. Lilah tells me that while your soul is bound to Buffy you cannot lose your soul. I have confirmed that this is true in the book that Fred showed me regarding soul binding. The souls cannot leave this plane of existence without the other while they are bound together."

"So I can't lose my soul while Buffy and I are… connected like this?"

"That's right. The circumstances of your curse, your nature, eccetera, I am not sure how much Buffy knows about this in her current state and therefore, I wanted to discuss these things with you in private."

Angel stared off and away from Wesley. His soul was safe. Although given the current situation that seemed to be the least of their concerns. Either way, Buffy didn't remember him and even if her memory returned, they had not been in a relationship. He didn't know how long this magical connection would last and he didn't want to get their hopes up. There was always a shoe waiting to drop when it concerned his and Buffy's relationship. Angel turned back to Wesley. "Let's keep this information about my curse to ourselves. I don't want to confuse the situation. It's really of no consequence right now anyway. All that matters is we get Buffy her memory back."

Wesley nodded.

Angel and Wesley stepped out of the office and joined the rest of the team.

Wesley addressed the rest of the team. "Just so we are all on the same page in terms of what we know and what we don't, well in truth we don't know much. Can't be sure as to why Buffy was returned. We believe that the magical tether was placed to link your…..err… soul's together but we can't be sure of why. Cordelia filled me in on her vision in great detail before she left and I took copious notes. The Powers seem to be telling her that many of the answers we seek will be found in the Shanshu prophecy scroll."

"Shoe shine?" Buffy remarked confused.

"No. Shanshu. It means to die and to live. It ...well… anyway it's rather complicated. I have been working on translating the prophecy for some time. It deals with an apocalypse. I could use some help in translating this prophecy and the only person I can think that would help would be…"

"Giles" Angel finished. "Buffy, I think it's time to call your friends and family and let them know what is happened. I was hoping we would have answers by now but we clearly don't. They have the resources to help us figure this out. And they should know that you are alive."

Buffy nodded. "Ok then let's call them up. Who are they? Can you make me a flowchart of some kind?"

"Let's go to my office. I'll explain who everyone is and we will make the call. They are going to be very happy to hear about your return. I know they will want to come here as soon as possible."

Buffy followed Angel to his office. Angel explained that her family consisted of her sister and long time friends. He told her how her mom had just recently passed away and Buffy frowned at that news. He had no clue where her father was and was thankful when Buffy didn't ask about him.

Angel had only kept in touch with Willow since Buffy's death. In fact, he and Willow had become closer since Buffy's death. Although they avoided the topic of Buffy all together when they spoke, to Angel it was like having a connection to Buffy in his life. He wondered if Willow felt the same. He had seen Dawn a few times since Buffy's death but she found it more difficult to be around Angel. Dawn seemed to avoid his calls all together. He didn't blame her. He was a reminder of her sister's loss. Seeing Dawn was a painful reminder of Buffy for him as well.

Angel dialed Willow's cell phone number. Buffy could only hear Angel's side of the conversation. "Willow, it's Angel. Yes, everything is fine. Well I mean as fine as it can be. Something has happened." He took a deep breath. "I don't know how, I can't explain it but Buffy, she is alive." Angel paused for a moment. "Are you there? She is here at my hotel. She's fine...fine. Only she, she can't remember much of anything. I know, we don't understand it either Willow. She came back last night and we were trying to look for answers and….yes, well I wanted to be sure that...I'm sorry I didn't call last night," Angel's voice grew slightly annoyed "but I'm calling you now. Can you get the group together and head down here so we can figure out what is going on? Ok. Yes. We will be here. See you then." Angel hung up.

"They are getting everyone together. They will be here as soon as they can."

"Is it weird that I'm nervous? I feel like I'm meeting all of these people for the first time and they will expect me to remember them…"

"They won't expect anything Buffy, they will just be happy you are here."

Just then, Lorne burst through the office door holding an opaque ceramic bottle with a cork on top. "Never fear my loves, Uncle Lorne is here to save the day!"

Buffy jumped back and bumped into Angel's desk at the sight of the green demon with horns. She looked over at Angel who seemed to be comfortable with his presence and she eased down.

"Oh I'm sorry buttercup, I'm Lorne. I'm part of Angel Investigations. I know...I know I'm green. You know what Kermit says, _it's not easy being green_." Lorne sang. "But I make it look great don't I honey buns?"

Buffy smiled hesitantly and approached the demon for closer inspection. "Buttercup? Honeybuns? What are you some kind of food obsessed monster?"

"Lorne is a Deathwok demon. He is a friend of mine and a good demon."

Buffy turned to Angel. "Like you? Are you a demon?"

"Well - I'm a vampire. Unlike other vampires, I was cursed with a human soul."

"And it makes you what? Good?"

"Well it's complicated but I have the same capacity for good and evil that any other human person does."

Lorne put an arm around his friend. "Angel is a very good person. He is a Champion for the Powers. He fights on the side of good, sweetums. Just. Like. You." He said as he bopped her in the nose. Buffy shook him away. "Now let's get this party started. Memory spell. What do you say?"

"I don't know." Angel stood with a concerned look. "Spells... I don't trust them."

"And I don't care." Buffy walked up to Lorne. "I'm in."

"Buffy, I just—maybe we should wait for Willow to come. She is a powerful witch she can help us if anything should go…"

"I don't care, Angel. Pain, side effects, this thing turns me into a mousaka... I'm happy. As long as I can remember I'm a mousaka. I'm tired of this. I need this fog to clear. I need to know who I am and I don't want to wait any longer."

Lorne grabbed Buffy's hand and lead her towards the lobby. Angel followed closely. "Don't even worry about it, princess. I've got all the ingredients lined up and all of the team is ready to go. This is all going to go swimmingly."

Buffy, Angel, Gunn, Fred, Wesley and Lorne gathered in the lobby and began the spell. Unsurprisingly, the spell did not go according to plan. In a fit of panic when the spell caused the team to become disoriented, Wesley had smashed the bottle with his foot. The team looked around in a state of confusion.

Buffy believed she was a sophomore at Sunnydale High but new she was a slayer by trade. She assumed that this was some type of plan orchestrated by the Master to stop her before she could defeat him before the Harvest.

Wesley believed he is still a student at the Watchers Academy and kept bossing everyone around because he insisted he was the best trained person to deal with the situation as he was "head boy."

Gunn didn't trust any of these crazy white people and wanted to know the whereabouts of his crew. While Fred seemed obsessed with scoring some pot.

Angel was the most disturbed by the whole ordeal. He explained that he thought it was the year 1753 and he was living in Ireland. He thought his name was Liam. However, Buffy recognized Angel from previous her run-ins with him. When he didn't recognize her and insisted on calling himself Liam, Buffy thought he was playing a joke on her and did not appreciate it at all. Liam who was struck by the hot little blonde in scandalous attire, apologized for not recognizing her, and proceeded to hit on her. Assuming Buffy was some type of prostitute based on her strange and revealing attire, he approached her and slid his hands down to unceremoniously grab her butt. She proceeded to smack him across the face and he vamped out.

Everyone began to panic, including Liam who was feeling his face and his teeth. "What is this? Am I some sort of demon then?" he said in his irish accent. "What curses have been placed upon me?"

With all of the commotion, Lorne, who was had been passed out behind the reception desk woke up. His memory was somehow unaffected. He tried to explain to everyone that they are under a spell and asked them not to panic. But Buffy stepped forward and punched Lorne square in the face which caused Lorne to pass out yet again.

Buffy turned her attention to the vampire to fulfill her slayer duties. "Sorry I thought you were cute and all but you know slayer's gotta slay."

A fight broke out between Liam and Buffy. As Buffy fought, she looked around desperately for something she could use for a stake. She finally saw one in what appeared to be a very convenient weapons closet. Buffy lunged at Liam and pinned him down on the ground but Liam growled and continued to struggle. Buffy fought him back. "I don't understand. Why did you give me information for the master? Was it part of a plan? Why not try to kill me then?" She asked as she continued to struggle against him.

"I do not know what you mean lass but I swear, I wouldn't try to kill you. Seduce you maybe but if you spare me, I swear I'll be good. I'll start going to church again even!"

Buffy had gained the upper hand and had her stake positioned over the vampire's heart.

It was at this very moment that the scooby gang walked through the door of the hyperion. Willow, Giles, Dawn, Xander, Anya, and Spike stood at the door with looks of confusion.

"Buffy? Angel? What is going on?" Willow asks startled. Buffy looks over at Willow as she continues to struggle. "Stay back Will. I just have to dust this vamp."

"Buffy. No. Don't dust him. Angel is a friend."

Spike smirked at the sight of Buffy on the verge of dusting the old poof. "Angel's not _my_ friend. Dust him good luv."

"The lass is right, I am a friend." Liam said desperately.

Just then Lorne woke from his second bout of being knocked unconscious and Wesley lunged at him again using some ill advised karate moves. Giles ran over to Wesley and pulled him off of Lorne.

Giles turned to the group and shouted. "This is bloody chaos. What the devil is going on around here? What did we walk into? Will everyone just stop what you are doing for one second please?"

All of the fighting ceased. Everyone looked up at Giles.

Giles, Willow and Dawn laid their eyes on Buffy who was getting up and off of Liam, fixing her twisted blouse. Dawn ran up to Buffy and hugged her. Willow and Giles followed. Dawn was sobbing. Buffy just looked on at the girl confused. "Umm. Willow, who is this?" Buffy motioned at Dawn. "And what is with the group hug?"

Willow stepped back confused, "I don't understand how do you remember me and not Dawn?"

Lorne massaged his head. "They have all reverted to memories of their younger selves. The Slayer seems to think she is fighting some sort of Master? If our little beam of energy there hadn't existed at that time maybe that's why our slayer doesn't recognize her."

Dawn stepped back. Wiping her tears and trying to mask the hurt at Lorne's explanation. She had not existed until Buffy was nineteen. Her place in this world would never make any sense to her. She sighed. Spike placed his hand on her shoulder of the young woman. She grabbed his hand and accepted the comfort.

"Willow, my little redheaded Wiccan beauty." Lorne continued. "I think papa Lorne royally screwed the pooch on this spell. I could use your help in fixing this."

"Everyone just…. hang tight. No fighting. No staking. No biting. OK?" Willow looked directly at Liam and Buffy. Who nodded reluctantly.

Willow approached Lorne and discussed the spell. She took the book he had and she studied it for a few minutes.

While Willow consulted with Lorne. Liam approached Buffy cautiously. His vampire visage gone and replaced with his human face. "You know lass. If you weren't so busy fighting me" he edged closer "there are a lot of other fun activities we could do together." Liam brushed Buffy's arm and gave her a sexy little smirk.

Against Buffy's better judgment her heart rate increased as she gazed upon his face. Yes he was a vampire but it was strange because he had helped her a few times before giving her information on the Master. And then Willow was telling her he was a friend. He was a honey. That was for sure. A beautiful specimen of a man...er vampire. He was long and lean with broad shoulders and amazing cheekbones. And who was she to question Willow's sage wisdom? If she said he was a friend, he was a friend right? "Oh yea…. like what?" She couldn't help but flirt back.

"Oh I had a few things in mind. I could show you…. if ya' like." Liam's thick Irish brogue must have been a byproduct of the spell. Buffy had never heard her mysterious stranger friend speak in anything besides what sounded to her like an east coast accent. But she was totally digging the accent now. Digging the whole package as a matter of fact.

Liam continued to close in on Buffy and before she realized it she was up against a wall. He leaned his long body up against her and she was flushed. She swallowed hard. "Oh boy…"

"OK guys we got it!" Willow shouted at the group and startled Buffy and Liam out of their intimate moment.

"Really already? Don't you need to you know… research more?" Buffy asked Willow.

"No, Wesley had all of the stuff I needed right here." Willow said proudly.

"How convenient." Buffy responded with some frustration, rolling her eyes. Liam winked at Buffy and she flushed.

They walked towards Willow who was mixing up a gelatinous concoction. "It doesn't look pretty but it should do the trick. Dig in. Umm Buffy you need to take some extra because of the umm amnesia…" The group each took a dab of the mixture and put it in their mouths. Slowly they seemed to regain their memory. Buffy took a heap and threw it in her mouth almost choking on it but swallowing the pudding like substance quickly. "Buffy…" Willow hesitated "that might be too…"

"Oh God…" Buffy screamed grabbed her head. She had a rush of memories rushing back to her it was dizzying….one by one filling her mind.

 _Why don't we start with, 'Hi, I'm Buffy'_

 _I gotta walk away from this. I know. Me, too._

 _I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to die._

 _I love you.I try not to, but I can't stop._

 _No weapons, no friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's left? Me._

 _You have a father's love for the child and that is useless to the cause._

 _I want my life to be with you. I don't._

 _You shoulda been there, Buff. Quite a ride._

 _I've forgotten my manners in all the concussion. I'm Riley._

 _I'll never forget._

 _Because I'm so in love with you I can't think straight._

 _You could never hope to grasp the source of our power._

 _Buffy? If you're going out - why don't you take you sister with you?_

 _I've given you everything I have. Every part of me, body and soul._

 _Mom? Mommy?_

 _How's forever? Does forever work for you?_

 _Death is your gift._

 _Dawn. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me._

Buffy felt overwhelmed. She felt is if her head was going to explode. She took a deep calming breath. She realized that Dawn and Willow had rushed to her side and Angel was staring nervously over here. She looked up confused with the memories that rushed through her mind. She slowly stood up. She took a moment to survey her surroundings and she rushed to Dawn and pulled her into a strong embrace. The two sisters held each other tightly. After some time Buffy pulled away and hugged Willow, Giles, Xander and Anya joined that hug. Spike hung back. Buffy slowly approached Spike. She felt Angel tense up behind her. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you for what you did for Dawn. For helping us fight. I won't ever forget that Spike."

"'S alright. I had nothing better to do anyway." Spike muttered trying to control his own emotions at seeing the Slayer in front of him. Humming with life. His feelings in turmoil.

Buffy took a small breath and turned to Angel. Her eyes were cold and distant. She nodded at him and said "I think it's time we fill everyone in on what is going on so we can start answering some questions. Especially what the situation is with..." she motioned between the two of them "...this."

It wasn't the reception that Angel hoped he would receive from Buffy. He didn't understand why Buffy was shutting him out. He nodded in response to her. They turned to the scoobies and AI team and explained what they knew. Buffy told the story of her return and about the magical tether. Wesley explained his theory regarding the tether as related to their souls being connected. Angel recounted Cordelia's vision to the team and noticed that as he discussed Cordelia, Buffy got up and walked aimlessly around the room facing away from the crowd. Wesley started to explain the Shanshu prophecy. When he got to the part about how they thought the prophecy meant that Angel would die to be made human, Buffy turned towards Wesley.

Her eyes narrowed. "How long have you known about this prophecy. When did you find this scroll?"

"A little over two years ago" Wesley replied.

Buffy's heart sank. All of the emotions she was feeling, the thoughts she was having surrounding Angel were being confirmed. He had found out two years ago that he would be made human and didn't think that telling her was important. He had obviously moved on. What a fool she had been to have saved her heart for him all of these years. In not allowing herself to love anyone the way she loved him and holding onto hope that one day they would find their way back to each other..

"I see." Buffy responded quietly. She looked up abruptly and walked quickly over to Willow. "Willow, I need you to focus your efforts on severing this tether." Buffy sounded desperate. "It's .. It's impractical. I need… I mean we both need to be rid of this OK?"

"Sure Buffy. I'll try. I'll look into it. Tara is driving in later tonight she is bringing some of your things. The rest of us didn't want to wait so she offered to stay back and pack for us. I know Tara will be able to help as well." Willow smiled to try and ease Buffy's discomfort. She squeezed her friend's shoulder trying to offer her some reassurances.

Buffy felt stiffened. She felt utterly trapped. How far could she get from Angel without it hurting? She felt like every person in the room was looking at her and she didn't like it. She felt like a hostage and she wanted nothing more than to run away. Run far away from everyone here and farthest away from the tall vampire that was staring at her with some vague confusion as she begged for their connection to be severed. She had no choice if she wanted out, he would have to come. They could test the strength of their tether outside. She needed out.

"Great well. You all have your assignments. You know I've never been much of research girl. Death hasn't changed that. I'm slay girl." Buffy peeked outside and saw that the sun had just gone down. "I could use a little slayage right now. Angel not like you have much of a choice but care to join me on patrol?"

"Sure." Angel answered. His confusion at Buffy's behavior was evident but he wanted to talk to her on her own away from the teams.

"Great. Mind if I borrow some of your shiny toys" Buffy eyed his weapon cabinet and selected an ax.

"Help yourself." Angel grabbed a stake and tucked it in his jacket. He was fairly certain that given her mood the Slayer would be doing most of the fighting tonight.

Buffy and Angel headed out into the night.

"Oh to be a fly on the poof's hair tonight. Let's see if Angel returns with all of his limbs intact!" Spike chuckled.

Dawn smirked but hit his head and proceeded to the books.


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy took long determined strides down the dark streets of LA. She was heading towards a cemetery she knew was close by. She had only slayed in this city for about a year and that was some time ago but a Slayer always knew her cemeteries and she was familiar with this area as it had been a vampy hot spot when she was first called.

Buffy could feel Angel close behind her. There was always a feeling that being around him elicited deep in her gut. But now, with whatever was binding them together the feeling was amplified. It was unsettling at the moment.

She had questions. So many questions but mostly she felt a restlessness in her chest and anger percolating at the edges of her vision. This had to be some sort of cruel cosmic joke. The Powers couldn't just let her rest in peace. Just hours ago, it seemed, she was standing on that tower making the decision to end her life in exchange for Dawn being able to live hers. And there had been a feeling of relief. She had done her job. Another slayer would take up the cause as many slayers had before.

So she had lept and freed herself from her former life. And then there had been peace and comfort. It was the feeling of utter and unconditional love that had filled her. But it was fleeting. Far too brief. She had been ripped away from this paradise and thrown back into this harsh reality. Perhaps the Powers in their cruel wisdom had purposefully taken her memory so that she wouldn't remember what she had lost. What she had merely touched before she was torn away.

To add insult to injury, after the memory spell, everything had come rushing back to her. But more than just her life. She remembered things she shouldn't have remembered. She remembered her life both with and without Dawn. Simultaneously, somehow, side by side. She had memories of a day that Angel and she had spent together when he was human. She remembered them kissing at the pier, making love on his kitchen table, floor, bed, shower… anywhere they could possibly find a hard surface. She remembered his smile. He had never smiled at her that way. Without any fear, with complete and utter joy. And then she remembered him telling her that he had given up their dream. All to save her life. I guess the joke was on him. Or was it on her?

Just then she stopped abruptly suddenly remembering the conversation with Angel the night before regarding her death.

She turned to him."How long did you say…?"

"354 days." He replied quietly. "For you - was it - longer?"

"No." She replied. Angel seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, he knew a thing or two about wonky times in different dimensions. But then Buffy shook her head in disbelief. "No - it feels like only - hours maybe." Angel looked her puzzled but she wasn't prepared to tell him anything. Not when she was still sorting it all out for herself. She turned and continued towards the cemetery.

Almost a year. She had missed almost a year in her life. But to her, it was just a few weeks ago that Angel had hugged her and comforted her. Offered to stay with her after her mother's death. It felt like hours ago she had made the decision to leave this world behind. All of this world, including Angel. She had thought of him in those last moments... She silently prayed that he would understand. That if anyone in this world would understand what she needed to do it would be him. She wished she had told him how much she loved him the last time she had seen him. That she would always love him.

These thoughts were still fresh on her mind when she was literally dropped in front of him and Cordelia in a lover's embrace. Cordelia. She couldn't get the vision of the two of them together out of her mind. She had died and he had gone and fallen in love with another woman. Not just another woman but Cordelia. Cordelia who had repeatedly told Buffy she wasn't good enough for Angel. And sure, Buffy knew that the Cordelia from high school had changed, that she had committed herself to helping Angel fight, and sure she had known that for Angel it had been almost a year - not just weeks since he had kissed her and she had asked him to stay forever. But frankly, she wasn't in the mood for seeing reason right now. There was only rage.

By the time they had come to the entrance of the cemetery they had quickly been greeted by three vamps. 'Perfect.' Buffy thought to herself. She got to work. She was sliding effortlessly between the three without a moment's thought to Angel being at her side. She decapitated one quickly and effortlessly as she pushed the second away. She flipped the third one on his back and laid a series of killing blows to his head. The second vamp latched onto her back and she swung her ax behind and cut off one of his arms which sent him screaming. She brought the ax down hard on the head of the vamp underneath her as he exploded in dust and without a beat swung and decapitated the last vamp who was scrambling to gather up his fallen limb. Both vampire and limb exploded in a cloud of dust.

"Huh, I always wondered how that would work," quipped Angel as he leaned on a grave watching Buffy. He had missed the sight of watching her fight.

As soon as the third vampire exploded into a dust, Buffy turned towards Angel. She was breathing hard and still battle ready. She took a few long strides over to Angel and shoved him hard.

He fell back on the ground before scrambling up to his feet. "Buffy what the hell are you…" She advanced again. Angel saw the anger in her eyes. He was backing up and away from Buffy until he realized he had backed himself up against the wall of a mausoleum. She was gearing up to punch him and so he quickly swung his legs to sweep Buffy to the ground in hopes of maybe snapping her out of it. But she anticipated his actions. That is what many years of sparring together will do. She jumped up in the air avoiding the sweeping kick. She shoved Angel so that he was flush up against the wall. She grabbed him by the throat and pinned him up against the wall.

Angel was puzzled, slightly afraid of the pissed off slayer that had immobilized him and, if he was being honest, incredibly turned on. She was a vision of power, agility, and beauty. He swallowed hard against the feel of her body which was now flush against him.

Buffy's anger slowly melted away as she suddenly snapped out of it. "Oh god." Her eyes softened and she released him. Her hands covered her mouth which let out a small gasp as she realized what she had done. "I'm sorry. There is just so much going on in my head and - I shouldn't have - ". She tried to catch her breath from the fight, from the sight of him. Near her. In front of her. Seemingly all around her.

"It's OK. I understand." He slowly moved his hands to cup her face.

They were inches from each other. Angel was overwhelmed by her proximity, by the fact that she was alive. He lost that last bit of self-restraint he had and crushed her body to him as he pressed his lips to hers. His kiss was desperate and needy. He wanted to know that she was really alive. Buffy responded to his kiss in kind. Similarly frenzied in her desire to be closer to him. Whatever magical connection that their touch provided was amplified by their kiss and there was a small hum of electricity that seemed to pass between them.

Buffy could feel Angel's arousal against her stomach. Her body responded to the nearness of him, she was wet just from his kiss and the feel of his thigh cradled between her legs. She was anger, pain, sadness, pleasure, want, love. It was _too_ much.

 _What I want from you I can never have._

The memory stung when she was reminded of all she wanted from him. His love, his body, his soul. A future. All things she could never have for so many reasons. She cut off the kiss and took a breath before she pushed away. Angel grabbed her hand trying to pull her back to face him. "Buffy. I'm sorry I just - I hadn't seen you in so long. I missed you -"

She kept her head turned away. She didn't want to look him in the eye. Of course, he was sorry. He was always sorry. She shook her head and loosened her hand from his grasp. She slowly started walking back towards the hotel.

Angel quickly followed Buffy back. His lips still warm from her kiss. He knew he needed to let her process whatever she was feeling. He knew that they would have to talk about a hundred different things. He knew that the possibility of a future for them was still grim. But he also knew that after losing her once he wasn't prepared to ever lose her again.

Buffy walked into the Hyperion. Spike was the first to look up. Buffy grimaced. Stupid vampires and their sense of smells. He probably knew she had been turned on by the groping fest in the cemetery. She felt annoyed by the lack of privacy especially when he smirked at her. She wondered how mad Dawn would be if she staked him right on the spot.

As she walked into the lobby, she noticed that Tara who immediately ran over to her and hugged her tightly. Buffy welcomed her warm hug.

"Buffy. This is amazing." She stepped back and turned to meet Angel who was right next to Buffy.

"Hi. I'm Tara." The blonde witch smiled sweetly. "You must be Angel. I have heard so much about you."

Angel winced at all of the things she had likely heard. Some probably not so great. Some likely terrible. Angel gave a small tight smile and nodded at the friendly girl. "Hi, Tara. Nice to meet you."

Tara stepped back and looked between Buffy and Angel. "Oh wow. I see the tether."

"You do?" Angel asked, surprised.

Willow walked over and smiled at Tara. "Tara has the ability to read people's auras. See into their souls. She has been working on enhancing this skill as the years have progressed. She is very intuned with soul energies." She said proudly.

"Is there something you can do about it, Tara?" Buffy asked trying to hide the desperation in her tone.

"You want to sever the bond?" Tara asked with some measure of confusion.

Buffy stood frozen. Unknowing what to say. Was this supposed to be a good thing? Her and Angel - together was bad. It had always been bad. She had been told over and over, dozens of times. They couldn't be together, right? They had to be apart.

Angel chimed in. "I think Buffy would like the ability to have some alone time and this tether makes that difficult."

Buffy nodded at Tara. She appreciated Angel's willingness to give her the space she needed and appreciated his ability to voice that need.

"Y-yea I could see that being difficult to get used to." Tara slightly stuttered. She held her hands up between Buffy and Angel. She closed her eyes. She felt the power of the current that was exchanged between the two souls. The power that held them together was strong. She continued to explore the binding element, the power and how it was shared and stretched between them. She had an idea. "Whatever has bound you two together is stronger than Willow or I. It was not done with earthly magic. There may be a higher purpose for the bond." She turned to Willow and smiled and Willow seemed to understand. Tara turned back to Buffy and Angel. "B-but Willow and I have been working hard on our magical abilities all year. I-I don't think we can sever it, but m-maybe we can stretch it."

"Stretch it? I don't understand." Buffy asked.

Willow chimed in. "It'll expand it so that you can, you know, have some more distance, I'm not sure how much more but we can probably stretch it so that you will be allowed to move freely within this hotel maybe a block or two away."

"Well it's something." Buffy sighed. "What do we have to do."

Tara and Willow grabbed each other's hands and proceeded to each grab Angel and Buffy's hands. "Hold hands with each other." Buffy hesitated but extended her hand.

Tara and Willow felt the power of the warrior's bond which was amplified by their physical touch. Tara chanted, "Augeo vinculum." A type of electrical current passed from the witches to the warriors and they broke their hands apart.

"Ok then, let's try this out," said Willow. "Angel you stay down here. Buffy let's go upstairs and see if we can do this without the soul-sucking pain problem." Will smiled brightly.

Buffy looked fleetingly at Angel. A small part of her now oddly regretted that whatever bond they had been granted had been altered. She slowly made her way up the stairs with Willow all the while continuing to check on Angel whose eyes were glued on hers. She saw his concern. He didn't want her to hurt. After some steps, she realized she felt fine. There was a small twinge in her stomach the further she was pulled from Angel but it was barely noticeable and very bearable. She turned and continued to make her way to Angel's suite.

As they walked into Angel's suite, Willow looked over at Buffy. "Buffy. What I felt. The bond between you and Angel. It feels like it was placed there for a reason. Do you remember anything from before you were brought back? Did anyone up there, you know, tell you why you were being returned?" Willow's eyes went a little wide and quickly added. "Not that I'm not so incredibly happy to have you back because - it's the best and you know - yay! But it's all kinda strange you know?"

Buffy went to sit on the bed and Willow joined her. "No. I'm afraid I didn't come back with an instruction manual. Just some weird memories and a major headache." She massaged her temples a bit. "Oh, but yesterday, I did have a dream. Actually, and Giles and Wesley should know about this."

"Tell me and I'll make sure they get all of the info."

Buffy recounted the dream. The fire and the sense that evil was coming. She told Willow that a voice had told her " _The bound souls are the weapon. You must learn to wield it. Together you were powerful. Alone, you are **dead**._"

Willow nodded. "Well, we'll just throw this on the pile of things we need to figure out." She squeezed Buffy's hand. "Buffy - I'm so glad to have you back."

"I have … questions. About what's been going on..." Buffy said with a weary look.

"Oh a-and I have answers but we can catch up later if you want to get some rest."

Buffy gave a small smile of appreciation. "Yeah. I guess we can catch up later."

Willow gave Buffy a hug and left Buffy to her thoughts.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: This is a Spike heavy chapter, especially at the beginning. Please note that I am making some assertions regarding Spike in this fic that do not fit canon. I recognize that and recognize the comments made by Joss regarding Spike getting his soul. This is just how I chose to write about his journey in this story.**_

Buffy contemplated taking a nap but that didn't sound appealing. She didn't want to rest. She had nervous energy she wanted to burn off. She walked out of Angel's suite and walked up and down the halls of the old hotel. She ran her fingers against the old wallpaper that covered the halls and noted the slightly yellowish tone. At the end of the corridor, she reached an open door. She slowly made her way inside the room to find Spike leaning up against the railing of the balcony. He turned to her and gave a soft smile. Buffy eyed him curiously. Something was different about him. She couldn't place precisely what it was. She walked up and leaned against the railing.

She was glad it was Spike she had run into. Not her friends or family who probably had a litany of questions for her that she wasn't sure how to answer. And she certainly wasn't ready to face Angel yet. Not with her feelings for him in such turmoil. She wanted to be alone and with Spike, she could do just that. They stood looking out the balcony in comfortable silence for a good long while before Spike finally spoke.

"There was talk of bringing you back a few weeks after you…" Spike kept his eyes aimed at the night sky. An unlit Marlboro red hung from his lips. He played with his Zippo lighter. Opening and closing it over and over.

"Died." Buffy finished with some determination. No need in dancing around the word she figured. "After I died."

"Yeah. That. There was talk. Red had a plan. Something about killing a baby deer. Tara didn't approve so she called Captain Forehead and of course like the grand ponce that he is he came running in making sure Willow didn't do something stupid." Spike scoffed and lit his cigarette. "I tell you, Slayer, your friends aren't the brightest crayons in the box."

"Angel told Willow not to bring me back?" Buffy asked a bit surprised.

Spike merely raised his eyebrow at Buffy with some annoyance at being asked about Angel's intentions. He shrugged. "Life goes on luv, eventually everyone learned to get along." Buffy deflated a bit at Spike's response. It was further confirmation that Angel really had put her behind him.

"What did you do - after?" Buffy asked not exactly sure why she cared at all.

"Well I had planned to keep that promise and take care of nibblet but your dad came in and took her back to LA. Decided he wanted to try his hand at the parenting gig." Spike straightened up a bit his confident facade firmly in place. "So I figured I'd needed to make something of myself." Spike left out the part about his desperate attempts to find Dru. He left out the part about the frustration and anger of not having any direction after Buffy died. He took a drag of his cigarette. "I figured I had been neutered long enough. So I found a demon that claimed to know some bloke in Africa who could help me get this chip out."

Buffy turned to Spike surprised. She took an instinctive step back.

Spike turned to Buffy with a bit of a smirk. He let out a puff of smoke he had been holding in. "Long story short, I went to see a 'man' about a chip and the sodding bastard gave me a soul instead."

"A soul?" Buffy gasped. Then after a beat, she gave a small incredulous laugh. "You went to get your chip out and they gave you a soul?"

Spike looked annoyed. "It's not funny Slayer. It was - torture. It - well - it is torture many days."

Buffy sobered at that. She nodded and placed her hand on his shoulder. "You can do good with it." She wanted him to understand that she meant it.

Spike was surprised by Buffy's reaction. He turned his whole body towards her. "I still love you, you know. So much about me feels different. Looks at the world in a new light. But that part - the part where I love you - hasn't changed, surprisingly. It just feels different now." Spike's eyes narrowed.

Buffy dropped her hand from his shoulder. She shook her head. "Spike…"

"I know. I'm sure that doesn't change anything from where your standin' but I wanted you to know." Spike paused and turned back to lean on the balcony. "Anywho after a short bout of insanity, I went back to Sunny D. I'm now regular joe champion. Been helping with the Hellmouth. Along with the Buffybot."

"Oh my god you still have that sexbot, Spike that's repulsive!" Buffy's face morphed into disgust.

Spike rolled his eyes. "No, it's not - not like that. Willow reprogramed it so that it could help us fight. Demons don't even know that your missing. Your reputation is enough to keep things in check. Me and the bot do some damage. I even helped Giles avert a small apocalypse and now he lets me bunk with him."

"You and Giles live together? Dear God, what bizarro world did I drop in on?" Buffy asked.

"Well it's temporary." Spike answered a bit annoyed. Then he considered. "Let's see what else you've missed. Oh well, there's Angel's crazy son."

Buffy turned to Spike shocked. "Angel has a son?"

"Yeah it's a long story. He and Darla, who was brought back by the evil law firm in town, got hot and heavy and even though she was a vampire she got pregnant. Something about a prophecy or something. The baby grew up at some accelerated speed in some hell dimension and hates Angel. It's actually pretty funny." Spike laughed at the last part but then saw that Buffy wasn't laughing at all. "Well, maybe I'm not telling it right." He got quiet.

"And Darla?"

"Dead. As in dust. Again. Sacrificed herself for the runt."

Buffy stared away and into the night. Her expression was distant. Spike continued to talk to Buffy about all of the little things that had changed while she was gone. She heard bits and pieces about Xander and Anya stalling their wedding and Dawn visiting Sunnydale once a month. But she only vaguely listened. She had heard enough for one night. So much had happened while she was gone. Spike had a soul and a mission. Angel had a son. Dawn it appeared had reconnected with her father. She was a mixture of both happy and confused annoyed. In what felt like a matter of hours to her, all of her reality had changed drastically.

Why had the Powers brought her back? What was the purpose of all of this?

Buffy walked slowly back into Angel's suite. She took a moment to really looked around. She let her fingers graze over his books and his furniture. This was his home. He had built a life and had a family away from her. He had even found love. Now was the time for her to be happy for him But it wasn't coming as easily as she wanted to admit it.

She found a book on the shelf. It was the poetry book Angel had given her on her 18th birthday. "Sonnets from the Portuguese" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She was struck with a memory of a time not so long ago.

 _Angel and her sitting on the couch in front of the fire weeks after her 18th birthday on a particularly quiet night._

 _"Here read it to me." Buffy said to him while handing him the book._

 _Angel laughed softly. "Buffy I bought this so you could read it and keep it but it spends more time at my place than yours."_

 _"I like the sound of your voice reading it." She looked up and smiled at him. He gave her his token crooked smile in return. It wasn't a particularly important moment. There was nothing special about it and yet she remembers a strange feeling washed over her then. Fear. A realization that despite how much he loved her, he wouldn't stay. It was an epiphany that filled her with dread. She firmly tucked away the thought and prayed she was terribly wrong._

Buffy opened the book as she let the memory wash over her. She saw his inscription of the word " _Always_ " and she shut the book abruptly. She had been right that night. She had been right to fear the love between her and Angel. She had been right to think that if he left she would be destroyed, trying desperately to hold herself together.

Buffy put the book back on the shelf. No more walks down memory lane. She took a deep breath. She still had nervous energy to work off and if she knew Angel he would have a nice little training room somewhere around here and a bag she could punch. She turned to the suitcase of clothes that Tara had brought for her. She found Mr. Gordo in the bag and smiled at the little pig. She silently thanked Tara for bringing a small piece of home to her. She stuffed him back in the bag and found some sweats and a tank top. She quickly changed and made her way downstairs.

The research marathon continued downstairs with the crew hard at work at figuring out the recently unfolding events. Just then, the Hyperion's doors opened and Connor came flying in. His eyes were desperately looking around the room and finally landed on Angel.

"Connor, What is it?"

"Angel." Connor responded through gritted teeth. "Holtz is dead."

Angel approached him cautiously. The way you would a wild animal. "Son, I'm sorry."

Connor's eyes were filled with anger and pain. "Tell me the truth. Did you kill him?"

Buffy, hearing some raised voices, approached the landing on the second floor. She carefully observed the young man yelling at Angel. He looked exactly how you would think the son of Darla and Angel would look. Tall, sandy brown hair, broad shoulders for his age with a softer face and bright blue eyes.

"No. No, I didn't." Angel continued towards Connor carefully. Wesley followed behind Angel eyeing the weapons cabinet.

Connor stared at Angel for a long time. He was tense and the anger rolling off of him was a feeling Buffy knew well. She knew how dangerous that feeling could be. She made her way down the stairs quickly and came to stand closer to Wesley. Her body tense.

Connor sighed the internal conflict evident in his posture. He ran his hand over his face in frustration. "I don't know what to believe anymore," Connor says tightly. "Justine told me that you killed him. I had every intention of ending your miserable life. But last night, I heard her sobbing in the bathroom. When I found her she broke down and told me that Holtz asked her to kill him. He wanted me to think you did it. I don't understand why he would do that."

"Holtz was consumed by revenge, Connor. I'm sorry that he did that. I'm sorry he did that to _you_." Angel spoke softly.

"Justine ran away. I...I didn't know where to go." Connor said, more helplessly than Angel had ever heard his son. Angel extended his hand. A small and cautious gesture.

"You could stay here. Just - for a while. You can try it out. No pressure." Angel said carefully with a clear understanding that Connor could choose to run out and never come back.

Connor's shoulders relaxed a moment he looked at Angel's hand and didn't take it but he nodded slowly.

Angel put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. He awkwardly asked, "Do you want me to show you up to a room?"

"I could use a punching bag." Connor responded curtly.

"You know what, I was thinking the same thing." Buffy interjected with a bright smile. "Hi, I'm Buffy Summers." She said extending her hand for a handshake. This handshake Connor couldn't refuse. His brow knitted as recognition seemed to dawn on him.

"Buffy...as in... _his_ Buffy?" Connor asked motioning at Angel.

"Well I like to think that in this modern day and age, we women belong to ourselves. But if you mean am I the Buffy that your father _once_ knew, yes. I'm her."

Connor gave a small smile. His anger melted away some. "The Slayer? I have heard stories about slayers."

"Really, well you will have to share them with me sometime. For now, let's go hit some punching bags." She looked over at Angel who was a bit startled at the easy conversation between the two. They were after all the two most important people in his life. Sure they both didn't like him all that much right now but at least they didn't seem to mind each other.

"Training room?" Buffy asked him.

He walked over to the basement door and opened it. "Down there. Try not to break anything."

"I make no promises." Buffy smirked slightly and headed downstairs. Angel's son followed close behind. Angel closed the door behind them and walked back to his book and tried his best to focus on research.

Thankfully there were two punching bags downstairs one for each of the angry superpowered humans in the basement. Both Connor and Buffy started hitting their respective bags.

"So," Connor said, "a Slayer, huh?"

"So" Buffy huffed around punches, "vampire spawn huh?"

"Yeah I guess we are both kinda weird. Although I thought you were dead." Connor wasn't putting much effort into his punches he was too intrigued with the woman next to him.

"Yeah death doesn't seem to stick with me…. Not sure why. So what is the deal with you and Angel anyway? Why so much with the scowl?"

Connor explained the Holtz situation. The history with Angelus. Connor explained that Holtz had taught him to fight evil and to be the destroyer. Holtz had filled Connor's head with ideas that Angel was Angelus. Basically, what Buffy gathered was Connor didn't trust Angel.

Buffy stopped her punching. She held the bag in front of her. She turned to look at Connor. "I'm sorry about Holtz." Connor shrugged and started punching the bag again. Buffy continued, "Connor listen, you don't know me very well. But I think you said you have been told stories about slayers, right?" Connor nodded. "So you know that generally slayers - of the good right?" Connor nodded a second time. "For what it's worth even if it's worth nothing I'm going to tell you what I think of your father. Your father isn't perfect. He is pig-headed. He wears too much black. He has horrible taste in music - I mean how much Mozart can one man listen to right? His idea of an exciting Friday night is reading about existentialism and he thinks that the broadsword is a superior weapon to a tried and true stake, which - well I won't get into that right now - but he's wrong. He gets jealous when he has literally no reason to - ."

"Is this suppose to make me like him or…?" Connor questioned.

"Oh right, my point is. He has flaws. Real and human flaws. And yes I know he is a vampire but he has a human soul. He is a good man Connor. He has a big heart. He is fiercely loyal. When he loves you -" She presses her hand to her chest, "it fills you up. He always tries to do what's right - even when it's the harder choice for him. He has had all the reasons in this world to give up and yet he keeps at it. And you know what else? For as long as I have known him he has always told me how sad he was that he would never have a child. I know that when you were born that must have been one of the greatest joys of his life."

Buffy sighed as she walked towards the weapons area. She picked up a sword. "I have also known Angelus. I got a front row seat to his sick crusade a few years ago." Buffy swung the sword in front of her. Memories of a battle of swords filled her mind. "That demon may be inside your father but he is not your father, Connor."

Connor had stopped to provide the Slayer with his full attention. The way she spoke of Angel with such intimate knowledge. Something inside of him appreciated what she was saying.

"Now." Buffy said. "If you really want to go around calling yourself the Destroyer you are going to have to work on that right hook. But let's start with your sword skills. Come on." She grabbed a sword and tossed it to Connor who caught it. "In guard!".

A voice from the stairs spoke, "It's ' _en guard_ ' and do you really want to learn how to sword fight from a woman that would prefer to stake her demons to death?" Angel walked down the stairs.

Buffy had known he was there. Had felt him earlier. He hadn't heard the entire conversation but the things she said had to be said to Connor. Despite the troubles that Buffy and Angel had, Connor had to know who his father was. He deserved that.

"I'm good enough to beat you aren't I?"

Angel shrugged. "I get a little sloppy without a soul."

Connor proceeded with his sword in his hand. He had learned to fight some with a sword in Quo'roth but he knew there was much more to learn. Buffy started forward as Angel called out technique moves to Connor. Angel told Connor to pivot and lift his arms. Keep his shoulders up and his elbows out. Buffy was going easy on Connor as his skills were obviously not evenly matched but what she was not aware of was how strong this young man was. He did not have regular human strength. He had supernatural power behind his blows. Eventually, Buffy bested him by disarming him of his sword and lunging forward so the sword was right up under his chin. "Next time, stakes!" Buffy smiled down at the young man as she pulled away.

Connor grabbed the sword and threw it to Angel. "Let me see you two."

"I'm sure Buffy is tired…"

"Are you afraid that I've improved? Because I have, you know. Two years is a long time."

Angel's gazed at Buffy with an intensity that reflected their complicated history. The words carried a greater meaning for both of them. "An eternity." He lifted his sword.

Any time Angel and Buffy spared it was about more than the fight itself. For two people long deprived of demonstrating their physical love for each other, sparing always meant that all of their emotions were thrown into the battle. Aside from Faith, Angel was the closest thing to an evenly matched sparring partner. And in her early years, Angel had taught all of the fighting styles that he had picked up along the years. Mostly during his days as Angelus. But hey, evil or not, those skills came in handy. However, because their moves were virtually the same, the two made sparing look like a dance. Blocking and striking and ducking with perfectly precise timing so as not to best the other. The dance went on for some time. Buffy had improved during the year she prepared to fight Glory she had honed her skills. She had learned to let the Slayer in her do the fighting. But Angel had improved too. In the time he had spent training to fight Darla and Drusilla he had learned to meditate and to focus his thoughts and emotions into his battles.

Connor realized the sparring session had been going on for some time with no break and he was getting bored. A thought occurred to him. He had not seen Cordelia upstairs. Connor had a huge crush on Cordelia although he also knew that she had a thing for his dad. He wondered how that was working out with the slayer back in the mix.

"So Angel. Where's Cordy?" Connor called out.

Angel turned for a second to look at Connor and was caught off guard by the mention of Cordy in front of Buffy, it was enough of a distraction to allow Buffy to kick Angel's hand and the sword went flying across the room. In a flash, Buffy kicked Angel's feet from under him and she straddled him and landed the sword right up under his throat for emphasis. "Yeah Angel, where is Cordelia?" Buffy looked Angel squarely in the eyes while she held the sword to his throat. After a few tense moments, she threw the sword, got up and walked up the stairs.

After the door had closed behind Buffy, Connor turned back to Angel. "Did I say something wrong?"

Angel glared at him as he got up when he picked up the tone in Connor's voice. He knew exactly what he had done. He approached Connor. "Cordy is taking some time away. I hope she will come back soon. There is apparently a big battle coming. It's supposed to be our last stance against evil. I don't tell you this to scare you, Connor. I want nothing more than to protect you. But I think to win this," Angel hesitated but knew that this was the right thing to do, "I think we are going to need your help. You are strong. Buffy and I can teach you to fight. If we lose this battle all the world is lost anyway so I think the only way for me to protect you is to show you how to fight."

Connor examined Angel. Was he really the good man that Buffy said he was? Connor had no one else in his life but this man. He was all that he had left in the world. He could run away or try and learn to trust this man and see if what Buffy said was true. Connor was never one to back down from a fight. "I look forward to learning from you."

Angel nodded and squeezed Connor's shoulder on his way upstairs.


End file.
